1. Looking forward to labour pain. By the time you are 38 weeks and for some even 37 you are so fed up with being pregnant you can't wait for labour to come. You can't sleep, you can't sit, you are always hot and stretched and pressed, your hips hurt, your vajayjay and feet ache.. Labour pain feels like a better deal. You are so done enjoying being preggo. This is the crazy phase of sitting on balls, doing squats and eating pineapples and dates and drinking castor oil. You'll be surprised the crazy things women do to jump-start labour. 2. Nothing quite prepares you for labour pain. May be only an epidural. You knew it was gonna hurt, just not how bad even if you have been there severally before. It's the kind of that makes your thinking brain to shut and your survival brain to kick in. At some point you even have to be reminded to breathe. Why do you think people say and do such crazy things in labour? The only thing that comforted me was my husband's touch. And crazy prayers under the breath- those ones of 'Please Jesus make this bearable and fast. ' 3.There's no dignity in labour. A nurse will shave your pubes with a surgical blade if you have been growing a bush down there. Where's the dignity in that? Another will have their fingers deep, and I mean deep inside you severally just to check how far you have dilated or to break your waters. That thing called a VE (vaginal exam) can hurt to your brain stem. You will be pushing out a baby with more than three people staring into your vagina. Then afterwards every Doctor Who comes presses your titties to see if there's milk. You realise naked you came into this world and naked you will leave. Out goes your false sense of modesty. 4. Then the blood. It's everywhere it makes men in delivery rooms pass out. It will be on your sheets. And clothes and floor. You will need an industrial grade pad to hold it in. Medicott is a scam. Those things leak like mesh. And you will have to balance two pads between your legs to take your blood clots to the toilet. Motherhood is not pretty. Thankfully some entrepreneurs are coming up with new ideas for mommies to stop balancing pads between their legs, like mesh pants and adult diapers. 5. Then the after pains. I hear the more you give birth the worse they become. There's labour pain. Then there's baby. Then there's a brief calm after the storm. Then the cramps hit as the uterus contracts and breastfeeding just worsens them. Hit me with double painkillers doctor. 6. Fatigue. Natural labour is like digging up a farm with a hoe for an entire day. The next few days every muscle in your body will hurt and all you will want to do is sleep, and eat. That's why coast people have mama kandas. If you can have a massage, have one. 7. Your body doesn't just snap back. You will look 7 months preggos days after giving birth. Your feet will still be swollen and the pelvic girdle pain may not immediately go away. So baby is out but you are still walking like a lame duck. 8.😙The thirst. I gave birth and all I wanted was water I asked tye doctor sewing me up to give me water. He must have thought he dis not endure seven years of medical school to serve patients water. You lose a tonne of fluid so you will need to drink up a drum. And it's good because you need to pee and you need to make milk. 9. But the hunger. Maternity wards must be the favorite for hospital chefs, where their food gets really appreciated and it gets the attention it deserves. Especially breakfast. You will wake up at 2am to look for food because you are so freaking hungry, and oh the size of the portions! It's like you have a hole where your stomach used to be. You actually do. 10. Healing. There may be a CS wound. Or episiotomy stitches. Or lacerations on your hooha. Or piles. And cracked and inflamed nipples. Or all of them. And all these hurt a storm. And you have a crying baby. Get all the healing creams and tubes and pills modern medicine and your pocket can afford you. 11. The milk. It may not immediately come and the baby is crying. Or it may be too much and your breasts get engorged and painful. Or you discover that day you have inverted nipples that make breastfeeding a frustrating affair for mom and baby. The nurses and doctors have seen it all. Talk to them. Get advise. Get help. Post healing. There will be wounds to keep clean and heal. There may be aenemia. There may be migraines that scare you. Or UTIs. And painful breastfeeding that makes you dig in your feet and rise with the seat every time baby lurches. Take it all in slowly. Get as much help as you can. Have someone to talk to. See a doctors if shit gets real crazy. Pray. I remember crying to God in the middle of a migraine telling him to help me enjoy the new gift, not endure it. Always get help. Children are a gift from God. Ask the giver of the gift for help on what to do when they arrive.

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