Know your value

Posted by lovewitness on May 29, 2008

I have been blogging for 12 years now. this is truly a blast from the past, posed in 2008 on my maiden website totally Female.

In one of the books I have read and loved recently, (A Jewel in His Crown: Rediscovering your Value as a Woman of Excellence) Priscilla Shirer in one of the chapters recounts of a tumultuous relationship with her long time boyfriend Kenneth. In diary style, she writes of the struggles of trying to maintain a relationship that is certainly not working.

Priscilla is totally in love with Kenneth and keeps on pressuring him for marriage. Kenneth noncommittally promises to marry her- after he has found himself first. She is ready to wait for him as long as he wants though she feels ready to marry him at that moment and wonders why they have to wait. What is he waiting for her to become that she isn’t now? She is even ready to marry him even though he will not love her as much as she would want him to. (Madness). In two years of dating, he breaks up with her almost every week for fights over one issue- marriage, and Priscilla, like a lost poodle goes with this emotional rollercoaster hoping that each time it will last. Two weeks to the day he is supposed to propose (they have finally given themselves a deadline), he finally tells her that he does not loves her anymore. Priscilla is off course devastated. But she has to learn to let go of the man on whom she had pegged her hopes and dreams, and trust God for her future with or without Kenneth. The reader may not be as surprised that she finally does not marry Kenneth. Throughout her entries, it is obvious to everyone but her that something is seriously wrong with this relationship.

What is so gripping about this story is that it mirrors so many of our lives though we will not always admit of the desperation that often marks our love lives. We are grappling with relationships that are, clear to everyone but us, not working. We are living with men who do not respect our choices or us and treat us accordingly. We are daily making unwise choices without considering the effect they have on our present and future. It is the reason a woman will live with a man till he batters her to the grave. And the reason she will entertain his sleeping around until it also kills her. Or like Priscilla, we leave our hearts and emotions out in the open, to be trampled by anyone who cares. Reason? We do not value ourselves. Consequently we hook up with men who do not, cannot value us.

Priscilla puts is as thus: “Why did I continue to hang onto Kenneth so desperately? Why didn’t I seem to care whether or not the man I loved valued me as a priceless ruby? In retrospect, the answer is simple: I did not value myself highly enough to recognise that I deserved the kind of love a Christian man is supposed to have for a woman. Ken wasn’t even capable of loving me for six months straight. How could I have expected him to love me for a life time?”

Priscilla was settling for much less than she was worth. Because of the way Kenneth treated her, she came to view herself as thus- unworthy of a man’s love, replaceable, common as the grass. She downplayed her beauty, uniqueness, gifts and talents because one man did not acknowledge of them or treat her with dignity.

We so often make the same mistakes. We hang around the wrong kind of men who give us wrong tags and forever define us as thus. Resultantly we cannot see ourselves as anything else other than that. Have you ever noticed that if the man in your life calls you beautiful you feel beautiful and act beautiful? He calls you a tramp and treats you like one, and you cannot possibly understand why another man would see you as a queen. You feel like a tramp.

Self-discovery is among the most important things you will ever do as a woman. The moment you wait for your job, title, career, worse still your man to define you, you fall the risk of being thoroughly mishandled, and not just by a man. Of course you may be lucky to get a man (father, husband, friend) who sees you with the eyes of potential and lets you know it. Be grateful. But do not peg your life around that because when they are gone you will lose your identity. Find yourself.

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