Why did I get married?
Why did you get married? Or why do you want to get married? For those who have discovered their purpose in marriage, what did you find out- as the reason God united you in marriage at the time He did? Ten years down the line, I've been asking myself why God made marriage and specifically why God gave marriage to me.
Why I got married?
Primarily because I wanted to share my life with someone intimately. It was for companionship, for shared dreams, for accountability, to have someone holding my hand through the hoops, curves and bends. Yaani I had this vision of us walking with white hairs holding hands. So I needed someone who shares similar dreams and passions and idiosyncrasies. It is not good for man (or this woman) to be alone. God does put the lonely in families.
I got married for sexual intimacy. Ahem. Single saved girls who are not getting any and have been waiting, trying to wait, or waiting and failing, can you feel me? Finally naked and unashamed, quite literally. Even Paul said it so good to marry rather than burn with passion.
I got married because I thought babies are cute and was curious what kind of kids I could produce. May be I was even shopping for superior gene donors. Tall, dark, handsome, with a brain for math . I wanted children who will be brought up in a loving united family by mommy and daddy. There was nothing about raising godly children or raising a generation of influencers. That's an agenda that developed after I had kids and had to ask God, what do I do with these that you have given me?
I got married because I wanted a wedding. I wanted to Elam down the aisle and pledge my love and devition before one man. I wanted a man courageous and committed enough to pull that off. Like really stand before God and say, 'this is the one I promise to love all my life'. I wanted the white dress, the white flowers, the garden. I needed to silence the enemy. I needed to break some chains.
I got married because I wanted to love God along someone. In fact I wanted someone who loved God more than me, who could light my flame when mine was getting blown off. I wanted a man with whom we could serve God together. I wanted a man who would help me be all God called me to be. I was looking for the priest, one who would wash me with the word of God and present me to Christ, pure.
I got married because I wanted unconditional love. Tall order! But I needed that place where I could be home, accepted, just the way I am.
I got married because I met a man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I met a man who pursued me until I fell in love with him. He loved me sincerely, purely, no drama. No judgement. He did not give up on me. He keeps seeing the good in me even when all I see are my faults. He loves me despite of me. He represents
Christ well. He is kind, he is wise, he is patient, he is focused, gentle, he doesn't talk much in the morning or late at night (aka annoying), he keeps pursuing me, he is present, he believes in me, he goes out of his way to make this gal smile; he tries to like my friends and get to know them. He makes parenting together so much easier because God has given him so much wisdom and authority - he knows what he is doing while I temper tantrum along with the kids , he sacrifices so much for my sake, he bears my burdens without complaining, he listens to long tirades about justice and theories about the universe and fantasies about my future orchard without dozing off or shutting me out, he... I met a man of his word. I met a man who taught me I could trust, I could love, I could let my guard down and allow myself to be loved. He is a rock to our family - sure, firm, safe. I could have never asked for a more perfect spouse. God gave me who I needed, in his wisdom, wachana na list za tall, dark, handsome, can speak a foreign language, anga wears leather jackets anga owns a German machine.
Were all my reasons good?
This story is still being written. I can't wait to see what people God is raising from our children but I pray that if God needs workers in his vineyard, if he needs servants, if he needs godly influencers, if he needs hearts on fire for his kingdom, he will find them in our house. I pray as Christian parents we will have succeeded to pass on a legacy of faith and godliness to the next generation who can pass it on to the next after them. I pray we will have provided a safe place of unconditional love where our children do not have to grow up with scars and trauma. I hope we will have provided the kind of safety net they can always fall back on even as they grow their own wings.
I've been reading up on why God made marriage. Marriage is primarily not a business partnership to pool resources or gain financial security, neither is it a social partnership for social goals. Each marriage is first a spiritual entity, with spiritual responsibilities to God and to society. Some reasons I found are:
1. To reflect him. God made them male and female. In his own image and likeness he made them. The man and woman, together, reflect the image of God, his glory.
2. To typify his love for us. Unconditional, sacrificial, loving first, giving, patient,
kind, long abiding, keeps no record of wrong. As husband loves wife as Christ loves the church and wife submits as the church is submitted to Christ.
3. To conform us to the image of his son. To sanctify us, make us holy, present us to himself a bride, spotless. To help us develop godly character.
4. To glorify his name. Everything God does, he does it for his pleasure and the glory of his name. Christian marriages show earthen vessels that hold and live the power of Christ. They point to God's work, God's glory.
5. To extend the reach of his kingdom through our children.
6. To have godly homes that extend his kingdom through the use of our resources and hospitality. We nurture God's people and creation. Families as a life-giving ministry that bless other families.
7. Families are God's providence, his loving care for Adam, for us. He puts the lonely in families. It is not good for man to be alone. Families provide the preparation for life and inspiration to go out and be productive members of society and useful for God. God desires that families produce mature humans who can get his work done.
8. Naked and unashamed - marriage is place where we can be vulnerable, where we are accepted, where we can belong.
9. The family is essential if humans are to have dominion over creation, build governments, develop civilisations and harness creation. If the family suffers, society suffers.
10. Finally Dr Dave Simmons of Dad the Family Coach writes : "God established the family as his smallest battle formation in his conflict with Satan."